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Conversation ideas

Kindness and the Nice List: Talking Points

Skip the nice-or-naughty pressure. Warm talking points, scripts and small kindness habits that make a Santa conversation about caring, not about being perfect.

Published October 9, 20266 min readLive Santa Call

On this page
  1. Reframe the nice list as a list of good moments
  2. What a real-beard Santa will do on a call
  3. Before the call: gather your child's good moments
  4. Conversation starters for parents
  5. Handling the "have I been good?" worry
  6. Teaching the idea, not just the label
  7. If your child had a rough fall
  8. Using a video message for a kindness boost
  9. What to do after the call
  10. Quick talking points cheat sheet
  11. Frequently asked questions

The nice list is one of the most famous parts of Santa lore, and one of the trickiest for parents. Used as a threat, it can sour the magic. Used as an invitation to notice good things, it can become one of the sweetest parts of the season. This guide offers a gentler way to talk about the nice list, with words you can use before, during and after a Santa conversation.

Reframe the nice list as a list of good moments

Many parents grew up with a nice-or-naughty scoreboard. A friendlier idea is that Santa is mostly interested in the kind things children do, the effort they put in and the people they care about. Everyone has hard days, and a good Santa conversation leaves room for that.

Here are three framing sentences to try at home:

  • "Santa loves hearing about kind things you did."
  • "Everybody has tricky days. What matters is that we keep trying."
  • "What is one thing you are proud of this year?"

None of them involve a threat, and all of them invite your child to talk.

What a real-beard Santa will do on a call

On a live Santa video call, Santa is a warm, patient listener. The call is 10 minutes and one-on-one. Santa uses the details you give at booking, so the kindness examples you share become conversation starters. If you tell him your son helped a neighbor carry groceries, Santa can say, "I heard you were a helper this fall. Tell me about that."

That is the heart of it. The more specific and positive your details, the more natural the conversation feels.

Before the call: gather your child's good moments

Spend a few minutes this week collecting examples. They do not need to be grand.

  1. Share a toy with a sibling or friend
  2. Say thank you without being reminded
  3. Help set the table or feed a pet
  4. Try something hard, like riding a bike without training wheels
  5. Comfort someone who was sad
  6. Tell the truth when it was uncomfortable

Choose two or three and put them in the fun facts box when you book. Use plain, specific wording, such as "Ben helped his little sister find her lost shoe" rather than "Ben is a good boy."

Conversation starters for parents

Here are questions to ask at dinner or bedtime in the weeks leading up to the call. Keep them light, and skip them if your child is tired or upset.

For ages 3 to 5

  • "Who did you help today?"
  • "What made you smile?"
  • "Who is your favorite person to share with?"

For ages 6 to 8

  • "What was the kindest thing you saw someone do this week?"
  • "Was there a time you felt brave?"
  • "What would you like to do for someone you love this season?"

For ages 9 and up

  • "What is something you did this year that you did not have to do, but did anyway?"
  • "What is a way you could make school a little kinder for someone?"
  • "What is a mistake you learned from?"

Handling the "have I been good?" worry

Many children ask Santa a version of "Am I on the nice list?" Some ask nervously. This is a good moment for parents to prepare.

What to avoid
Do not use phrases like "Santa is watching" or "You better be good." They tend to make children anxious, and the call is supposed to be a joyful meet-and-greet.
What to say instead
Before the call, tell your child: "Santa wants to hear about your year. He is going to ask about the things you like and the things you are proud of."

If your child worries about a mistake, you can talk about it ahead of time. Try saying: "Remember when you pushed your brother? You said sorry, and we talked about it. That's how people grow. You don't have to bring it up unless you want to."

During the call, Santa will keep the tone warm. You are right there beside your child and can offer a gentle nudge if they get stuck.

Teaching the idea, not just the label

Kindness works best as a habit, not a performance for one December night. A few tiny rituals can help.

  • The kindness jar

    Drop a note in a jar each time someone in the family notices a kind act. Read them aloud before the call.

  • The thank-you moment

    At dinner, each person names someone who helped them that day.

  • The family helper job

    Give each child one small, real contribution to the household. Younger kids can water plants or match socks.

  • The gift for someone else

    Let your child pick or make something for a person in their life, then talk about how it might feel to receive it.

None of this has to be big. Even two minutes a day builds a story your child can tell.

If your child had a rough fall

Some years are harder than others. A move, a new school, a family change or a stretch of big feelings can make a child feel they have not been "good." If that is your child, lean into effort rather than outcomes.

  • Share the hard thing they worked on: "She was brave at her first day of school."
  • Point out growth: "He used his words when he was upset."
  • Skip any detail that might embarrass your child.

For more on this, read Santa call for kids with big feelings. A warm conversation can remind your child that they are loved no matter what kind of month it has been.

Using a video message for a kindness boost

A personalized Santa video message is about 30 seconds and can be a pleasant way to celebrate a recent kind act or a milestone. It is $19, and you get a private link to watch and download. Orders are open now, with delivery starting Dec 10. Because it is short, it can be a small nudge of encouragement, such as after a child works hard at a new challenge. Learn more in Santa video message vs. letter from Santa.

What to do after the call

Once the call or message is over, build on it.

  1. Ask, "What was your favorite part?"
  2. Reflect back anything kind Santa mentioned: "He remembered that you helped your friend."
  3. Choose one small action to carry forward, such as making a card for a neighbor.
  4. Resist the urge to link the call to behavior for the rest of the month. A kind conversation is its own gift.

Quick talking points cheat sheet

  • Santa listens for kindness, effort and care.
  • Everyone has hard days.
  • The nice list is about who we are becoming, not a score.
  • Share two or three real examples at booking.
  • Keep the tone warm and never use Santa as a threat.

Ready to share your child's good moments? You can book a live call, see the pricing, or learn more on the how it works page.

Frequently asked questions

Should I tell Santa about misbehavior ahead of time?

There is no need. Focus the details you share on kind acts, effort and things your child is proud of. If something is weighing on your child, you can talk to them privately before the call.

What if my child asks Santa if they are on the nice list?

Santa will answer warmly. You can prepare your child by saying, "Santa wants to hear about the good things in your year."

How many kindness examples should I add at booking?

Two or three specific examples work well. The booking form takes one child's details, and siblings can be mentioned in the fun facts box.

Is the call a good place to discuss behavior concerns?

It is best kept as a joyful meet-and-greet. Use another moment at home for behavior conversations.